I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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