i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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