I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
