As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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