Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
