so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize