Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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