Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
