Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize