Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
