Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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