Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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