I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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