you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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