He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
