This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You made out with two different species that night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
