she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
