I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
