I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
