Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
