Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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