she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
PANTIES FOUND
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
