Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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