I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
