There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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