I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
