i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
