it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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