My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
