the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
