I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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