just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
