my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
