fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
