If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize