I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
