Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
