Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
