Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
