peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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