Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
