Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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