Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
