Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
