wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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