Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
