There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
