yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
