is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize