my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
