It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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