Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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