remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
