Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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