i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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