eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found puke in my bra..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
