Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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