I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
