i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
