She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
