This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
