can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
