But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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