We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
