I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
