capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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