how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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