I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
