Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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