I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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