i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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