Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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