I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
