just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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